Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Fun with "Cut-'n-paste" Smashing Pumpkins, part 2

As promised, I present my results:


Behold! The Everlasting Mayonaise

Lately I just can't seem to believe
Time has ravaged on my soul
and for a moment I lose myelf
Cause I want you to stay, with me

Forgotten and absorbed into the earth below
softly stolen under our blanket skies
Pulled the heavens down just to please you
What's a boy supposed to do?

Sleep will not come to this tired body now
and if I can't sleep can you hold my life?

Wrapped up in the pleasures of the world
Just maybe we could lose ourselves this time
In knowing this was meant to be the last
If you have to go don't say goodbye

Sleep will not come to this tired body now
and if I can't sleep can you hold my life?

Someday I'll follow you
Through the empty space
Lost inside the dreams
She was by my side
Tell me I'm the only one
I need you tonight

Sleep will not come to this tired body now
and if I can't sleep can you hold my life?

With this ring I wed thee true
in faith, in compassion, and in love
Suffer my desire for you


That's a top-10 hit if I've ever seen one!

-Dave

Interruption

Holy pleasant suprises, Batman! While rummaging through all kinds of old Smashing Pumpkins websites, I found out that Billy Corgan's debut solo album was released on June 21st, 2005. What have I been doing for the past month? No matter. It looks like Part 2 of SP lyric cut-'n-paste might have to wait for a bit because I'm off to Best Buy right about....NOW! Woo hoo!

Fun with "Cut-'n-paste" Smashing Pumpkins, part 1

I'm in the mood for a little science experiment. I'm a pretty huge fan of that most fantastic of 1990's rock bands, The Smashing Pumpkins. I love their music despite the fact that I think a lot of the lyrics Billy Corgan wrote don't make much sense (especially the songs on later SP albums). For example, here are the lyrics to the song "Annie Dog" from Adore:

"Annie-Dog"

Amphetamine annie-dog
Has her leash and a face
Her velvet spleen her shackle spine
Her diamond curse
It comes with mine

A vessel she
For violent I
Confession arms a wake
Mine, mine you were always mine
Possessed by my taste

And below the angel dog
Combs her hair and sings her psalms
The bombs go off
She doesn't notice
It all goes wrong
She sets things tragic
She is venus
She is mars
She's electric
And the struggle of

Upon my face we leave no trace
But in her stomach mercury aged

She holds the blood
She carves the knives
She digs the wives in our babies

Amphetamine annie-dog
Pulls her trash
And her stories
From place to place
And bed to bed
Gives of herself and the magnet head

Another floor another ceiling
Counting stairs with double meanings

Is it wrong to be swallowed whole
To disappear in her
To give her the priceless peace
Of giving up control

We tumble out into the streets
And annie-dog she drags her leash
Pretty face
Ugly mouth
Bitter bred and so released

And by the no
And by the yes
Annie goes if you couldn't guess

A simple man
A sycophant
Her elephant with the laughing call
She wants clean sheets
And fresh flowers
And dental shots
And the hong kong glue

Amphetamine annie-dog
Has her leash and a face

From my perspective, Billy Corgan shows only a passing familiarity with common usage of the English language in this song, as in many of his songs. I think that the complete incomprehensibility of these just adds to the sheer sonic pleasure of listening to them .

It is my conjecture that the lyrics to Smashing Pumpkins' songs don't need to make sense to be enjoyed. To test this hypothesis, I will take a representative sample (by "representative sample" I mean whatever I feel like choosing) of SP lyrics, remove them from their original contexts and bring them all together in one giant cornucupia of Billy Corganocity. It is my belief and hope that the lyrics to this new ├╝ber-song will be pleasing on a level similar to that of the original songs (for people who don't like the Pumpkins, that might not signify much, but who cares what they think anyway?) and will probably make about as much sense to boot. The results of this experiment* will be forthcoming.

*Okay, so this obviously isn't a scientific experiment by any reasonable definition of the word and the "results" won't really indicate anything more than that I have too much time on my hands, but I'm bored and this sounds mildly interesting so I'm going to do it anyway.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Not-so Dapper Dave

Pomade should come with a warning label. A government warning, even. Something like this:

Stylist General's Warning:

This product is intended for use in small amounts and should only be applied by trained professionals. You are not a trained professional. You do not know what you are doing. Should you have plans for a hot night on the town and are in need of a hair-styling aid, we recommend you look elsewhere. You can't handle this shit, so don't even try. Just walk away. Why don't you go buy some mousse? If, in a feeble atttempt to look cool at a club, you not only decide to use this pomade, but to also coat your hair with half of a container of it, you are a moron. We told you to walk away, but you didn't listen. What were you thinking? Oh, that's right. You weren't thinking. Good luck getting that out. We at the Federal Aesthetics Adminstration sincerely hope you enjoy spending copious amounts of time in the shower, scrubbing at your digusting, oily hair. Dumbass.

Yeah, that sure would have been helpful.

-Dave

Monday, July 04, 2005

Textbook purchase = proof of nerdiness

I've just done something that some people might consider to be rather odd. I just purchased a 700+ page textbook. That I'm planning to read. For fun. The book I bought is Evolutionary Biology by Douglas J. Futuyma (pictured at left). Believe it or not, I'm very excited. I've wanted to own this book for some time now, but I've consistently waffled on getting it because I didn't want to shell out the big bucks. As anybody who's ever gone to college, thought about going, or known somebody who went can tell you, textbooks are expensive. Not just expensive, but ass-expensive*. And science textbooks are the worst of all.
Finally, after much soul-trying waiting and tear-soaked googling, I was able to locate a third-party seller at Amazon who was willing to part with a new copy for only $47.95. Actually, in all honesty, I probably could have bought the book at that price a long time ago. I think I just forgot to check Amazon's third-party retailers. Oh well. Live and learn, I guess.
Some people might wonder why I would read a textbook for fun and why I would choose this textbook in particular....well...evolutionary biology has become something of a passion for me and this particular book is supposed to be one of the best college-level texts that is currently being published on the subject. Someday, when I go back to college (and it is a when, not an if!), I would like to pursue a degree in a evolutionary biology-related area. Call this preparation for that day. Anyway, I'm very stoked about my new purchase and I wanted to share my excitment. Some people like to show off their new cars, their new clothes, or any number of other "cool" things. Well, I'm showing off my new textbook. If that's an automatic induction for me into the Fraternity of Nerdom, so be it!

-Dave

*For some reason, I'm of the opinion that whenever the word "ass" is added to an adjective with negative conotations, the combination of the two is somehow doubly descriptive. Call me crazy.