Nevermind Barack, I want Michelle in the White House!

Check this out:



Rumor has it that Michelle Obama, Caroline Kennedy and Oprah Winfrey will be holding a free Obama rally in Los Angeles this Sunday. I wanted to go before, but after watching Michelle in this video, I don't see how I can possibly justify not going to see this intelligent stateswoman speak.

Campaign dispatch: Yes we can!

Today, I spent the afternoon with dozens of fellow Obama-supporters, calling prospective voters across the county in support of the Senator's campaign. Despite the often frustrating and difficult nature of political cold-calling, I had a wonderful time at the phonebank. There's something extremely rewarding about being part of group of people who are all passionate enough to sacrifice time and money in pursuit of a common goal. With purpose comes energy, and that energy was palpable today.

I met senior citizens excited to make the future better than the present and past they've known; I met a teenager who refused to let a minor thing (no pun intended) like being too young to vote keep him from doing everything he could to help his candidate (and you should have seen him--in one afternoon, this kid exhibited more dedication and professionalism than most of the professionals I've ever known!); I met people for whom words like "Hope" and "Unity" are not just sweet-sounding political aphorisms, but guideposts marking the path toward a new way of understanding our role as citizens of this country; I met them and joined with them, and it felt good.

In short, I'm proud of this campaign, and--no matter what the final outcome proves to be--I am grateful to have played a role in it, however small. Of course, it's a lot easier to say and feel all this when coming off of a big win--and, boy, was it ever a big win!--but, if nothing else, I think this afternoon's events will help inspire me to work harder in the days ahead.

But enough of me. Here are a few words from a certain Senator from Illinois:

The great need of this hour

Today, in celebration of Martin Luther King's life and legacy, Barack Obama delivered a speech at Ebenezer Baptist Church, the church at which Dr. King pastored. I'll post an excerpt, but please--please!--go here and read the whole thing.

The Scripture tells us that when Joshua and the Israelites arrived at the gates of Jericho, they could not enter. The walls of the city were too steep for any one person to climb; too strong to be taken down with brute force. And so they sat for days, unable to pass on through.

But God had a plan for his people. He told them to stand together and march together around the city, and on the seventh day he told them that when they heard the sound of the ram's horn, they should speak with one voice. And at the chosen hour, when the horn sounded and a chorus of voices cried out together, the mighty walls of Jericho came tumbling down.

There are many lessons to take from this passage, just as there are many lessons to take from this day, just as there are many memories that fill the space of this church. As I was thinking about which ones we need to remember at this hour, my mind went back to the very beginning of the modern Civil Rights Era.

Because before Memphis and the mountaintop; before the bridge in Selma and the march on Washington; before Birmingham and the beatings; the fire hoses and the loss of those four little girls; before there was King the icon and his magnificent dream, there was King the young preacher and a people who found themselves suffering under the yoke of oppression.

And on the eve of the bus boycotts in Montgomery, at a time when many were still doubtful about the possibilities of change, a time when those in the black community mistrusted themselves, and at times mistrusted each other, King inspired with words not of anger, but of an urgency that still speaks to us today:

"Unity is the great need of the hour" is what King said. Unity is how we shall overcome.

What Dr. King understood is that if just one person chose to walk instead of ride the bus, those walls of oppression would not be moved. But maybe if a few more walked, the foundation might start to shake. If a few more women were willing to do what Rosa Parks had done, maybe the cracks would start to show. If teenagers took freedom rides from North to South, maybe a few bricks would come loose. Maybe if white folks marched because they had come to understand that their freedom too was at stake in the impending battle, the wall would begin to sway. And if enough Americans were awakened to the injustice; if they joined together, North and South, rich and poor, Christian and Jew, then perhaps that wall would come tumbling down, and justice would flow like water, and righteousness like a mighty stream.

Unity is the great need of the hour – the great need of this hour. Not because it sounds pleasant or because it makes us feel good, but because it's the only way we can overcome the essential deficit that exists in this country.

I'm not talking about a budget deficit. I'm not talking about a trade deficit. I'm not talking about a deficit of good ideas or new plans.

I'm talking about a moral deficit. I'm talking about an empathy deficit. I'm taking about an inability to recognize ourselves in one another; to understand that we are our brother's keeper; we are our sister's keeper; that, in the words of Dr. King, we are all tied together in a single garment of destiny.

We have an empathy deficit when we're still sending our children down corridors of shame – schools in the forgotten corners of America where the color of your skin still affects the content of your education.

We have a deficit when CEOs are making more in ten minutes than some workers make in ten months; when families lose their homes so that lenders make a profit; when mothers can't afford a doctor when their children get sick.

We have a deficit in this country when there is Scooter Libby justice for some and Jena justice for others; when our children see nooses hanging from a schoolyard tree today, in the present, in the twenty-first century.

We have a deficit when homeless veterans sleep on the streets of our cities; when innocents are slaughtered in the deserts of Darfur; when young Americans serve tour after tour of duty in a war that should've never been authorized and never been waged.

And we have a deficit when it takes a breach in our levees to reveal a breach in our compassion; when it takes a terrible storm to reveal the hungry that God calls on us to feed; the sick He calls on us to care for; the least of these He commands that we treat as our own.

So we have a deficit to close. We have walls – barriers to justice and equality – that must come down. And to do this, we know that unity is the great need of this hour.

We need this man to be the next President of the United States of America--it's that simple.

Edit: C-SPAN has a video of the speech here, (though it looks like their servers may be strained by people trying to access it--and that's a good thing--because I keep timing out).

Further update - Here's the speech:

Obama and the SF Chronicle

The following is a fascinating discussion that Senator Obama had yesterday with the editorial board of the San Francisco Chronicle.



On a related note, I've decided to put my money mouth and feet where, until now, only my intermittently-typing fingers had been. Yes, I've decided to volunteer for the Obama campaign in California, and they have--quite foolishly, I fear--decided to make me Captain of my local precinct. What this means is that I've been given a list containing the names and contact information of upwards of 1000 registered Democrats in my area, and my task is to call them and attempt to convince, encourage and cajole--politely, of course--them to support Senator Obama at the ballot box on February 5th. Great Googly Moogly--that's a daunting task if I've ever heard one, and I have no idea how to get it done! Thankfully, the Obama campaign offers training sessions for new Precinct Captains, and I'll be attending one tomorrow.

Politics is serious business, folks, and I have no idea what I'm really getting myself into. Nevertheless, I'm excited to do what I can to support something I believe in. Good luck to all the people caucusing in Nevada tomorrow!

Debate Reaction

Two things I learned from tonight's Democratic debate in Las Vegas:

1. All three Democratic candidates are well-spoken, intelligent people, and I would be happy to cast a vote for any one of them (though I would be happiest, by far, to cast my vote for Obama).

2. Tim Russert is a tool.

Dispatches from the club for Obama fanboys

Fair warning: convinced as I am that Barack Obama is, far and away, the best person to lead our country for the next four to eight years, I am going to be turning this blog into an unofficial mouthpiece for his presidential campaign. While I'm not exactly thrilled by the idea of playing the part of political shill, right now the upcoming election is the single most prevalent topic on my mind, and I don't realistically see myself writing about much anything else.

In keeping with that sentiment, I'd like to reproduce an insightful reader comment that I found at Andrew Sullivan's blog:

Ann Rice, in her endorsement of Hillary, called her "prophetic" for her health care reform efforts in 1993. Well, if derailing the viability of health care reform for a generation is prophetic, sure. Now she promises to repeat the same mistake. No matter how hard she works, does anyone think she'll convince Mitch McConnell to create a new welfare state program? Doesn't she remember Bill Kristol's memo calling for all out opposition. Sorry, but six years of keeping her head down in the Senate to rebuild her reputation is hardly the experience that will be needed.

Polarization's a bitch for liberals. Even if it's a "roll of the dice", Obama is our only shot at building a movement than can defeat polarization. He's doing it the old-fashioned way, asking people to work for change. It's hardly a sure thing. But, as Oscar Wilde wrote,

"A practical scheme is either a scheme that is already in existence, or a scheme that could be carried out under existing conditions. But it is exactly the existing conditions that one objects to; and any scheme that could accept these conditions is wrong and foolish."

We don't need to to change the leadership of polarized Washington, for which Hillary is no doubt the best suited of the Democratic candidates. We need to end polarization, and that requires a Democratic landslide that only Obama might achieve. So let's roll the dice.

That is simply brilliant rhetoric--turning the charge that an Obama presidency would be an inherently dangerous gamble so far onto it's head that it somehow becomes an inspirational call in support of his candidacy! I really, really wish I could do that.

Anyway, as is obvious by now, I've got some rather strong opinions about this election, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't love to hear what y'all are thinking as well. (And yes, that even includes any unfortunate souls who may be considering a Republican vote.) This is, afterall, our country; let's not forget what that means!

Edited to add: And just so there's no confusion, the Ann Rice referenced above is indeed the Ann Rice of cheesy vampire-novel fame.

Official 2008 Presidential Endorsement, part 2

Excellent choice, Iowa. New Hampshire, now it's your turn!

Official 2008 Presidential Endorsements, part 1

Dear Iowan readers,

After much careful thought and discussion--which, scurrilous rumors to the side, did not involve a blindfold, darts, and a bottle of cheap tequila--the editorial staff of A History of Histrionics has decided upon our picks for tomorrow's presidential caucuses. For the Democratic candidate, our choice is Senator Barack Obama. He is, we believe, the person most committed to enacting genuine reforms to our incontestably broken political system. While he may not have a great deal of executive experience, he has--along with a long history of public service--the mature intelligence, honesty, fair-minded vision and charisma needed to be a great leader; and it is our firm opinion that these are the characteristics that our next president will need to possess. With Obama at the helm, our country stands a reasonable shot at putting the nightmarish corruption and incompetence of the past eight years behind us in order to move towards a future more closely aligned to the ideals and hopes on which this nation claims to be founded.

On the Republican side, well, our only interest is in seeing the candidate with the least likelihood of success gaining the nomination. That said, the field is so anemic that choosing the worst of the lot has proved to be impossibly difficult; all of them seem so poised for utter defeat that we have decided to take the possibly unprecedented step of endorsing every one of them!

There you have it, Iowans. While we'd prefer that you vote the way we tell you to, we only ask that you reflect upon our endorsements with whatever degree of consideration that you feel they merit. Happy Caucusing!

The Death of Zoo Blogging?

In a couple of hours I'll be flying out to Chicago to spend the holidays with my family, so this will be the last post in my Zoo Blogging series. Not to worry, though--like Superman, Zoo Blogging will, I suspect, return from the grave to exact fiery vengeance against evil-doers everywhere (well, maybe not that last part). When that day will come, I do not know. We'll all just have to wait and see, and keep watching the skies (why, you ask, should we be watching the skies? Well, I have no idea, but it felt right!).

Here, we have two Asian elephants. I'm pretty sure those tusks were longer than I am tall.

This is a Hyacinth macaw hiding from me in the foliage of one of the park's aviaries.

Well, that's going to have to do it for now. I hoped to post more, but I've run out of time. Posting will probably be more characteristically sparse for the next few weeks, but I'll check in now and then.

The Bride of Zoo Blogging!

Okay, here we go with more zoo pictures. First, let's return to the Primate order with two ring-tailed lemurs. Like all lemurs, these two (Lemur catta) hail from the island of Madagascar. Along with galagos and lorises, lemurs are part of a group of primates--the Strepsirrhini suborder--that are more distantly related to humans than monkeys and apes are. Nevertheless, humans and lemurs share many characteristic features, including opposable thumbs, finger/toenails, and stereoscopic vision. Ring-tailed lemurs are considered by the World Conservation Union to be "vulnerable" to extinction, though not yet technically endangered. Sadly, I'd be surprised--albeit pleasantly so--if they aren't moved to the endangered list within the next decade or two.

Switching kingdoms for the moment, I've long been a fan of strolling through the Wild Animal Park's conifer forest; it's pretty much a short nature hike (though an expensive one for non Zoo-members), and these impressive Mediterranean Cypress trees are by far my favorite sight:

Ever the botanical philistine, I'm always forgetting the names of trees, so I took a picture and now won't have to try to remember what type these are!

Incidentally, if anyone is looking for a Christmas tree to seriously impressive your relatives, I'd be happy to hook you up if the price is right (I kid, I kid!).

Finally, let's end this post with a second helping of primates. I'm not sure what this gorilla is looking at, but I like her (his?) eyes. Perhaps I'm over-anthropomorphizing, but I can't look at those eyes and that expression without seeing a sense of of intelligence and self-awareness.

The Revenge of Zoo Blogging!

As promised, I'm back with more pictures from my recent trip to the Wild Animal Park. Leading off today is a baby African elephant. Born November 28th of this year, this female pachyderm is the epitome of cuteness--though to get the full impact of her devastating charm, you really should see her up close and in person.

Speaking of cute, I also got a shot of this desert bighorn in full relaxation mode. While I'm usually not too partial to animals with cloven feet, this sheep captured my attention with its sleeping repose (Incidentally, I think I woke it up with my camera's flash. Sorry!).

And with that, I'm going to continue my teasing ways and bring things to a close. Don't think for a second that I haven't noticed this post's lack of primate photos. Believe me, I will make up for this glaring deficiency with my next installment. Until then. . .

A proud moment in blogging history

I would like to take this ooportunity to inform my esteemed readers that this blog has reached an important milestone. Yes, A History of Histrionics has climbed the cut-throat google ladder and is now the first hit when searching for the phrase "pat robertson is a tool." *Sniff*. . .I'm so proud I could, well, burst into histrionics! I'd to thank all the little people--namely Pat Robertson and myself. To the fine person who found A History of Histrionics using this search: welcome; I couldn't agree more.

Wait! Hold the presses!

While typing this post, I happened to google the phrase "burst into histrionics" out of idle curiosity, and guess what-- we're number one there too! What a fantastic and historic day this is turning out to be!

The Return of Zoo Blogging!

I visited the San Diego Zoo's Wild Animal Park today, and, as always, took a ridiculously large number of photos. Hailing from the "technique-is-for-tools" school of photography--that is, I have no idea what I'm doing and have thus far been too lazy to try to actually learn how to us a camera--my method is to just start shooting and hope that a handful of the hundreds of pictures I take don't suck. It works--sort of. Instead of following my normal routine of immediately posting the best shots, I think I'm going to try to milk this latest slew of pictures for as many posts as I can.

To start, here is a picture of a cricket, one of the Park's many freeloading animal guests. While not typically the kind of fauna that most people go to zoos to see, I have a soft spot in my heart for insects and couldn't resist taking a picture when I saw it jump from the sidewalk into a nearby plant.
Next up is a western lowland gorilla basking in the warm morning sunlight--either that or pouting. I'm not sure which.

That's it for now. I'll be posting more over the next few days.

Who's the troglodyte now?

News stories detailing the impressive feats and skills of our closest primate relatives have become so common that they're beginning to verge into dog-bites-man territory, but the following New Scientist report on a chimpanzee study is, I think, undeniably cool:

Young chimps can beat adult humans in a task involving remembering numbers, reveals a new study. It is the first time chimps – and young ones, at that – have outperformed humans at a cognitive task.

And the finding may add weight to a theory about the evolution of language in humans, say the researchers.

Three adult female chimps, their three 5-year-old offspring, and university student volunteers were tested on their ability to memorise the numbers 1 to 9 appearing at random locations on a touchscreen monitor.

The chimps had previously been taught the ascending order of the numbers. Using an ability akin to photographic memory, the young chimps were able to memorise the location of the numerals with better accuracy than humans performing the same task.

During the test, the numerals appeared on the screen for 650, 430 or 210 milliseconds, and were then replaced by blank white squares.

While the adult chimps were able to remember the location of the numbers in the correct order with the same or worse ability as the humans, the three adolescent chimps outperformed the humans.

The youngsters easily remembered the locations, even at the shortest duration, which does not leave enough time for the eye to move and scan the screen. This suggests that they use a kind of eidetic or photographic memory.
. . .

The article conveniently comes with a YouTube video to help explain the results of the study.

"We are not separate."

Take a look at this poignant and beautifully-shot National Geographic film about a recent spate of mountain gorilla killings in the Democratic Republic of Congo's Virunga National Park.

I am a terrible person

Upon hearing about the hostage crisis at Hillary Clinton's New Hampshire campaign office, my first thought was, "Holy crap!" This initial reaction was quickly followed up with, "I hope she doesn't manage to score any sympathy votes out of this!"

Ouch. There's nothing like a knee-jerk empathy-free response to a tragic event--which, luckily, had a more or less happy ending--to make me question my ethical priorities. Now if Barack Obama's campaign had been involved, that would be a different story altogether. Ah, the joys of reflexive tribalism!

In which I try my hand at poetry

It's the question that drives us. . .
- Trinity, The Matrix

If the massive number of inquiring emails I've been receiving is any indication, many of you are very curious to know what it would look like if I started writing poetry about food. Dear readers, as of this moment, you need no longer spend your nights tossing and turning in restless contemplation. The answer you seek can be found at Catherine's blog. May it be everything you had hoped for!

Something to be thankful for

Via John Wilkins comes news sure to provoke a bit of timely Thanksgiving gratitude in primate-lovers everywhere: The Congolese government has pledged to set aside almost 12,000 square miles of rainforest as a preserve for bonobos and other endangered jungle-dwelling animals. The Bonobo Conservation Initiative has the full report:

Washington, DC – The Bonobo Conservation Initiative (BCI) joins the government of the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC) in announcing the creation of the new Sankuru Nature Reserve, a huge rainforest area harboring the endangered bonobo, a great ape most closely related to humans. Larger than the state of Massachusetts, the new reserve encompasses 11,803 square miles of tropical rainforest, extremely rich in biodiversity.

“This is a monumental step towards saving a significant portion of the world’s second largest rainforest, of critical importance to the survival not only of humankind’s closest great ape relative, the bonobo, but to all life on Earth given the increasing threat of climate change ,” said Sally Jewell Coxe, president and co-founder of the Bonobo Conservation Initiative.

The Sankuru region was hit very hard during the recent war in the Congo, which devastated the local people and claimed four million lives—more than any war since WWII. In addition to the critical environmental challenges presented by unsustainable hunting, the humanitarian crisis must also be addressed. “The people of Sankuru rely on the forest for every aspect of their livelihood. Helping them to develop economic alternatives to the bushmeat trade is one of the most urgent priorities,” Coxe said.

In danger of extinction, bonobos (Pan paniscus) were the last great ape to be discovered and are the least known great ape species. Found only in the DRC, bonobos inhabit the heart of the Congo Basin, Africa’s largest rainforest, which is threatened by the onslaught of industrial logging. Bonobos are distinguished by their peaceful, cooperative, matriarchal society, remarkable intelligence, and sexual nature. Other than humans, bonobos are the only primates known to have sex not only for procreation, but also for pleasure and conflict resolution—and with members of either sex. Unlike chimpanzees, bonobos do not murder or wage war on others of their own kind. They serve as a powerful flagship both for conservation and for peace.

In addition to the bonobo, the Sankuru Reserve contains the okapi (Okapia johnstoni), an exotic short necked forest giraffe also endemic to the DRC, but not previously found outside of their known range far to the northeast. Survey teams from the Congo’s Center for Research in Ecology and Forestry (CREF) sponsored by BCI made this exciting discovery. Sankuru also contains elephants, which have been hunted out in many other areas of the Congo forest, plus at least 10 other species of primates, including the rare owl faced monkey and blue monkey.

The wildlife is under intense pressure from organized hunting for the commercial bushmeat trade. The report from the Congolese Institute for Conservation of Nature (ICCN) on its recent expedition to the area states that “the ecocide must be stopped” and recommends immediate action to protect this invaluable ecosystem and watershed. The DRC Minister of the Environment, Didace Pembe Bokiaga, who officially declared the new reserve, said, “This increases the total area of protected land in the DRC to 10.47%, bringing us closer to our goal of 15%. We are proud that the Sankuru Reserve is being created in the framework of community participative conservation…and will be zoned to guarantee the rights of the local population.”

Andre Tosumba, director of BCI's Congolese NGO partner, ACOPRIK (Community Action for the Primates of Kasai), led the successful local effort to protect Sankuru. “When I saw the extent to which people were hunting bonobos, okapi, and elephants, we began to sensitize them to realize the value of these animals,” he said. “Once they came to understand, the people themselves decided to stop hunting these precious species and to create a reserve to protect their forest. BCI has helped ACOPRIK and the local people at every step of the way; we call on the international community to join our effort.”

Protecting Sankuru Reserve’s forest will contribute significantly to mitigating global warming. Approximately 20% of annual green house gas emissions come from deforestation and other land-use change. Keeping this rich tropical forest intact will make an important contribution to global efforts to reduce emissions while simultaneously conserving biodiversity. The Sankuru Reserve stores up to 660 million tons of carbon, which if released by deforestation would emit up to 2 billion tons of carbon dioxide, comparable to emissions from 38,000,000 cars per year for 10 years.

“This is a huge victory for bonobo and rainforest conservation,” Coxe said. “However our work has just begun. Now we need investment to successfully manage the reserve. And, other areas need to be protected to ensure the long-term survival of the bonobo and the integrity of the Congo rainforest.” The Sankuru Reserve is the southern anchor for a constellation of linked, community-based reserves being developed by BCI in the Bonobo Peace Forest, a project supported by DRC President Joseph Kabila since its inception in 2002.

[Editorial note: While I'm very fond of bonobos, this press release--following in the footsteps of many popular news accounts--exaggerates their pacifist nature a bit more than I think is truly justified. See here for some evidence contrary to the peacenik school of thought.]

What are you doing to fight the War on Christmas?

Like the warmth of springtime and the start of election cycles, the winter Holiday Season just keeps coming earlier each year. While this is undoubtedly a joyous time of year, we cannot forget that the consumption of copious amounts of food and the receipt of presents are by no means the only--or primary--reasons for the season; no, my friends, the onset of Yuletide brings with it a sacred duty for all patriotic and right-thinking Americans: waging the War on Christmas™.

Unlike the many skirmishes of the 20th century, this conflict--the great battle of our age--is being waged on a virtually limitless number of fronts. From the shrill and volatile world of cable news shows--where the forces of darkness have marshaled under the banner of steely veteran General Bill O'Reilly--to the hellish land of internet message boards, the fires of culture war continue to rage unabated, leaving no mountain, valley or plain of our social landscape untouched.

With so many active fronts open at once, it is absolutely imperative that all upright citizens be ready to take up arms at a moment's notice. Just today, I saw an opportunity to join the fight--and I took it. While attempting to spend a gift card at Barnes and Noble, I happened upon the children's fantasy series, His Dark Materials by Phillip Pullman. Having seen trailers for the upcoming movie adaptation of the trilogy's first novel, The Golden Compass, and having read many pious Amazon.com reviews of the books claiming that they promote "blatant satanism," "anti-christian" themes and "atheism," (and having it on good authority that they are well-written and highly entertaining, but that's beside the point!), I saw immediately that this was my chance to strike a serious blow for liberalism, nihilism, secularism and the multitude of other beautiful philosophies to which we all cling so dearly. Therefore, dressed in full battle regalia--specifically, a t-shirt with a picture of Karl Marx on it*--I immediately walked to the front counter and purchased the trilogy box-set (at a tremendously reasonable price, I might add). Huzzah for another stunning victory!

I write this to you today, my brothers and sisters, not simply to brag about my brave and impressive accomplishments, but to encourage you to follow my example. While my actions were perhaps only tangentially-related to the specific mission of our blessed War on Christmas™, I hope you can see how they fell within our all-encompassing strategic plan for world domination through indoctrination and intellectual conquest. Furthermore, I hope it is clear that only through constant vigilance and readiness for battle will our noble aims be achieved. When your time comes, will you stand up and be a non-gender-specific adult human being? This is a war, and we are the front line. May we never forget our duty.


*Full disclosure: The t-shirt is also an advertisement for a conservative evangelical university, so if the People's War Committee for the Promotion of Politically Correct Sentiments chooses not to give me full points for wearing it, I'll understand.

Something is wrong with this picture

I apparently do not possess the competency necessary to read this blog:



Yet somehow I manage to write it. I can think of only two explanations for this curious result: either I'm a genius autodidact, or that test sucks. Lacking the evidence necessary to rationally discern the correct option, I choose to believe the more satisfying narrative--

ALL HAIL MY STUNNING INTELLECTUAL PROWESS!