Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Take Two

Well, it's become painfully obvious that this whole blogging thing is not going to come as easy to me as I would like it to. I'm a fairly quiet and reserved person in real life (under most circumstances, that is) and I tend to live by the old cliche, "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt" (incidently, I googled this quote and found that it has been attributed to Samuel Johson and then I researched some more and found out that he probably didn't say it). That's not to say that I think all of my ideas are foolish or uninteresting. I think I do have some interesting things to say, but it's not always all that easy to tell what's worth saying and what's not.

Anyway, the point I'm making here is that since I'm generally not bubbling over with things (interesting or not) to say in real life, I don't know why it should surprise me that the same is true on the internet. Sure, there's a much greater sense of anonymity in posting words on a webpage than speaking to somebody face to face (just read an internet debate on any contentious topic - people are far less civil than they would be in person), but at the same time, I find that there can be an even greater sense of vulnerability in sharing my thoughts on the internet than in person. When sharing my thoughts in the real world, I can choose how vulnerable I want to be with each person I talk to. I can decide to communicate with people on different levels of comfortability. On the internet, that's impossible. If I choose to be vulnerable at all, I choose to be vulnerable to the whole world (the fact that I know of only one person who currently reads this blog should help, but I still know in theory that anybody could read it!). And, historically speaking, vulnerability has not been one of my strong suits.

Having said that, I'm feeling a sense of self-directed generousity at the moment. I've decided that, despite the scarcity of my posts thus far, I'm not going to give up on this blogging business just yet. I may not have something interesting to say all the time. Hell, I may not have anything to say at all. I may still have a hard time being vulnerable with "the world." Who cares? I'll write what I feel like when I feel like it even if it's not great and the posts don't come everyday...or every week. Why not? After all, this is my blog, right? As that great font of wisdom, Eric Cartman, would say, "Whatever! I do what I want!"
Damn straight.