Not-so Dapper Dave

Pomade should come with a warning label. A government warning, even. Something like this:

Stylist General's Warning:

This product is intended for use in small amounts and should only be applied by trained professionals. You are not a trained professional. You do not know what you are doing. Should you have plans for a hot night on the town and are in need of a hair-styling aid, we recommend you look elsewhere. You can't handle this shit, so don't even try. Just walk away. Why don't you go buy some mousse? If, in a feeble atttempt to look cool at a club, you not only decide to use this pomade, but to also coat your hair with half of a container of it, you are a moron. We told you to walk away, but you didn't listen. What were you thinking? Oh, that's right. You weren't thinking. Good luck getting that out. We at the Federal Aesthetics Adminstration sincerely hope you enjoy spending copious amounts of time in the shower, scrubbing at your digusting, oily hair. Dumbass.

Yeah, that sure would have been helpful.

-Dave