Recall in a post written quite some time ago, I noted that, while possessing many qualities of a decidedly geeky nature, I had never participated in two of the most insidiously geeky pastimes; namely, I had not played a single game of Dungeons and Dragons and I had never watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I mention this idle statement made long ago as a preface to a confession I feel I must now make: I have watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and I love it. Yes, the metaphorical Rubicon has been crossed, and there is now no returning to the so-called life I once lived. While confessions of undying love for Buffy and its creator, Joss Whedon, have long since become hopelessly cliche in most respectable internet circles, I have no choice but to put social niceties to the side and add my voice to the clamoring mob of devoted Buffyverse fanatics.
Truth be told, oh merciful reader, this confession should have come long ago. While keeping it secret to all but a chosen few, I have for months now harbored a devastating affection for BtVS and its fantastic spin-off Angel. The fateful epiphany occurred last spring, when, wearied by watching the X Files, I sought to undertake a new geeky television enterprise. After consulting with several trustworthy and like-minded purveyors of sci-fi wisdom whose praise for BtVS was both universal and unmeasured, I added the show to my Netflix queue. After suffering great pangs of anticipation caused by the horrendous inefficiency of our postal system, the first disc arrived in my hands. Seven seasons of Buffy--plus five of Angel--later, I can only stand in awe at what is certainly the greatest artistic achievement in television history (for the sake of brevity, I will set aside the oft-debated question of whether the works of Shakespeare are utterly inferior or only somewhat inferior to the works of Joss Whedon).
To my readers, I apologize for keeping the details of my conversion from you for so long. You certainly deserved to know the truth before now, but, I am ashamed to admit, that I was afraid--afraid of what you would think of me. Now, though, having worked through my fears, I stand before you, ready to proclaim the good news of Buffy to all who would listen.
You may be wondering, "What is so great about the show that could cause this otherwise only slightly deranged fellow to write such dreadfully flowery and dramatic prose about it?" A fair question, perhaps, but one for which I have no answer. The beauty and power of BtVS are of such a mystical quality that any attempted rational explanation of them is doomed to absolute failure. One could just as easily calculate the square root of love or distill the meaning of life into a fruity malt beverage as decipher or quantify the true genius of the Buffyverse. Simply put, if you've never seen it, you cannot hope to understand; furthermore, if you've seen it and do not agree with me, your opinions are hopelessly misguided, and I will choose to accord them no further value. Like so many things, this comes down to a choice: A person is either with Buffy or against her, and if the latter is what you choose, then you are no friend of mine!*
Those who have ears to hear, let them hear.
*Points to anybody who can identify exactly which two quotes I bastardized in this sentence.