How much is this blog worth?
Not a thing, apparently. I think that we can all agree that there must be some mistake here. A blog of such caliber as mine must surely be worth a great deal, indeed! The most logical conclusion to be reached from this embarrassing miscalculation is that something is severely wrong with Capitalism. Obviously, the valuation methods in current use have not even the most tenuous connection to anything resembling reality. Therefore, by the powers invested in me by the state of California, I am officially declaring the demise of our free-market system, which will be replaced by a new system in which an object's market value is based solely upon my whims; and my whims dictate that this blog be worth $100,000,000,000. It looks like I won't need to be going into work anytime soon!
Take that, you elitist bastards!